Written in response to an assignment in Martha Beck’s Write Into Light class.  We were prompted to transform difficult experiences using humor.  SO much fun to write! Enjoy!

Photo Credit: http://djringer.com/photos/d/4869-2/smilax-sp.jpg

1. Keep your hands on the handlebars. Age 13. Ten speed bike. Ambulance ride. Stitches. Scars. #StrangersCare #cuteEMT #BlacktopStillEmbeddedInElbow  #BackpacksProtectBacks #RememberedMyFirstAidTraining #ToldThemToElevateMyFeetBecauseOfShock

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   Sharpened trowels cut through more than soil layers.  Age 19. Archaeological field school. Reaching into backpack. #MadeALeatherSheath #ProblemSolved #StaySharp

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   Sometimes people need stickers on windows. Ongoing. #CantWalkThroughThat #StickersAreNotJustForBirds

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   Microwaves superheat water. Age 32. Spilled soup. Trip to university clinic. #DoNotBalanceOnLap #UseATray

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   Chances of spraining ankle just walking is greater than while doing something dangerous. Ages 18, 19, 22, 25, 27, 30, 31.  #JustFuckingWalkingAcrossTheLawn #OrAFlatSurface #NeverRockClimbingOrCaving

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   The steeper the slope the greater the gravity. Ongoing. #WalkingStick #RidingDownslopeOnAssWorks #NoShame

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   Carbide lamps create actual fire that singes hair. Age 19. National Youth Science Camp caving trip. #MiniBlowTorch #CompanionsBeware

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   Safety glasses work. Ages 15, 16, 17, 18, 19, 21, 32, 33, 50, 51. #SavedMyVision #SuperNerdyLook

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   Do not mouth pipette. Ever. Especially acids. Age 15. 40 molar HCl. #FranticMouthRinse #ToothEtching

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    Apparently, I’m an acquired taste. Ongoing. #StillPuttingMyselfOutThere #LikeFineWine #ExpandYourPalate

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    Do not rinse heating blocks while they are still hot. Age 33. Super-heated water shoots up and onto your skin. Blisters. #ActionReaction #NeverAgain

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    Wearing lab gloves is always smart.  Ages 15, 16, 17, 18, 19, 31, 32, 33, 50, 51. Chemical irritation. #DespiteSweatyHands #Required4AReason

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    Not everyone risks as deeply as I do. Ages 19, 25, 26, 27, 33, 49, 50, 51. #StillWorthIt #RiskWisely

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    Avoid “the gift that keeps on giving.” Ongoing. #Guilt #FinelyCraftedInMormonCulture #JustSayNo

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    Lab coats protect clothing. Age 15. #LabCoatInLaundry #RuinedFavoriteShirt

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    Some ants are too large to sift through archaeological screens. Age 19. #TheyBite. #TheyDefyDeath #TheyKeepBiting

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    Silk dresses reduce friction on stair bannisters. Age 16. During intermission at a regional debate tournament. Bruises the shapes of stair edges. #AllHeadsTurned #WhatWasIThinking #NeverLivedItDown

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    Gravity acts differently on a 30+ aged body self-launched from a playground swing than on a 10-year-old one. Age 32. #Gravity #SlowmoFaceplant #PineStrawInMyFace #FriendLaughedHerAssOff

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    Not everyone wants me to write about them. Age 51. Cited as one reason for end of marriage. #StillWonderingWhatHappened #FinallyWritingAgain #NotJustMyBad

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    Plot twists happen in real life too. Ongoing. #DidntSeeThatComing #GoWithTheFlow  #WOW

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    Kittens don’t like water. Age 3. Kiddie pool. Scars. Photo evidence. #PissedKitten #NeedleClaws #NeverAgain

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    Pets break your heart every fucking time. Ages 3, 8, 23, 48, 49, 51. #StillWorthIt #LearnSoMuch #JoyRemains

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    Blaspheme bush (Smilax sp.), a vine in Georgia bogs, is aptly named. Ages 31, 32, 33. #ThornsEverywhere #DefiesMachetes #AttacksOutOfNowhere #AlwaysOnMyTransect #FuckYouAndAllYourBabyVines

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    Sparklers are beautiful but painful. Ages 3, 10, 25. #BeautifulSparks #BurnCreme #StillWorthIt

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    Extreme levels of pain or embarrassment require elevated levels of laughter.  Ongoing. #LaughAtMyself #ReleasesTension #EvenMoreHilariousLater #BetterThanDenyingItHappened #StorySeeds

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